To Be Strong
by Sebby and Lolita
Summary: Feliciano has always been weak, but now he will find something to be strong for. GerIta, One-shot


**Hi everyone! I've had this for a while so I figured I should post it. **

**Also, the song _21 guns_ is recommended while reading actually doesn't fit lyrically with the story much but it adds the desired effect._  
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World War Two~

We are surrounded, Ludwig an I. We are going to die. This will be the end. I will never tell him I loved him. We lay on the ground. Ludwig is unconscious, or dead; I can't tell at this point. It's my fault. He was protecting me. I am weak and he took a bullet meant for me. We're both covered in blood. I don't know who it belongs to anymore.

I'm scared, but not so scared. Like I'm numb. Everything around me is a bright blur; like looking through fire and tears at the same time. Sounds are all mixed together. It sounds so far away yet so loud. I'm crying.

Memories flash through my head. Happy times and sad times flitter through my thought. _Holy Rome_. I remember him. How I loved him. How I still love him. How I let him go to war, alone, with nothing but a push-broom and a memory of kiss. He died. I cried then too. When I left Austria's house and realized he was never coming back, everything seemed to be soaked in tears. Lovino was worried. I wouldn't even eat pasta.

It was all going to happen again. Why must history repeat itself? Why must I never learn? I tried to stop it this time. I really did. I followed Ludwig through the war. I did the best I can. I am still so weak. I didn't help; I never do.

I don't want to die, especially when there is so much I still want to do. I want to have pasta from every part of the world, and I want Ludwig to come too. I want see Lovino and Antonio get married. I want to tell Ludwig I love him, and kiss him, and let him hold me, and hope he says he loves me too. I don't want to die.

But what can I do. I'm weak. I can't fight; I can't strategize. I am nothing but a hindrance to the world. Maybe I should die. It would be selfish of me not too. I do my best to be polite. So I'll lie here, and watch my memories, and wait to die.

The memories are coming closer and closer. I'm growing up, and meeting new people, and learning new things. Look; there is Ludwig. I'm hiding in the box of tomatoes, but I peak through a crack. I see him. He's beautiful, frighteningly so. So strong, so brave. I wish I could be that strikingly gorgeous.

I want Ludwig to live. More than anything in the whole world, I want Ludwig to live. Ludwig has to live, even if I'm dead. He just has to. I can't imagine a world without him. I don't want to have found out.

So I stand up. I pull the gun from belt and another from my boot. Ludwig wouldn't let me go out without them. It was supposed to be quiet today, but he said he had a bad feeling.

I will be strong today. "I won't let you die Ludwig. I'll try my best."

Soldiers are everywhere. Some are alive; others are not. We are outnumbered, ten to one. The fear I felt before comes crashing back to me just as fast as reality. I can't back down now. I'm already gathering attention. The enemy is everywhere and nowhere. I want to run. Everything in me tells me to run or die. I look at Ludwig. I would die for him.

I look around. A glint came to my eye. My lips pressed into a scowl, something they don't do often. I don't hate the men in front of me. No, they fight for their country, and for what they believe is right. So do I.

My senses seem heightened, and I hear a gun click to my left. I shoot the man. Suddenly everything is so much louder than it was before. Bullets ring through the air. I dodge; I run; **I fight**. For the first time, I feel as though my life might mean more than just that. That I can make a difference. And maybe, just maybe, I can really save Ludwig.  
My pistols empty to faster than they ever have before. I throw them to the ground and pull out the knife that's hidden just under my left sleeve. The risk doesn't mean anything. If I was not prepared to take a risk I would have never stood back up. All I can do is dodge the knives and bullets that threaten to impale me. I slice throats and I stab hearts. This is war, and I have a goal; mercy is not something I can allow myself to have.

It seems like forever before I no longer hear the bullets ringing. I'm covered in cuts, bruises and blood. I don't know how much of it is mine or not. I don't care much, either. Slowly, ever so slowly, I make my way to Ludwig. I still don't know if he's dead or unconscious. I hope to any God willing to listen that he's alive.  
My legs give out, and I fall onto his body. I use any strength left to move my head and kiss his cheek. For what may be the last time, I let my eyes slip closed.

The smell of disinfectant and blood are strong in my nose when I wake up again. I'm still tired but I want to know what's going on. I know I will not be able to sleep again unless I know what happened. If I won, or it was a dream. If I'm dead, or Ludwig is. Both of us, maybe. In heaven or hell.

I open my eyes.

I'm home. In my bed with Lovi holding my hand. His eyes are red and I know he's been crying, even if he will deny it later. "Lovi what's wrong? What happened?"

His head snaps up and he wipes his eyes with his sleeve. Lovino's arms wrap around in a tight hug, like he's scared that if he lets me go I would disappear. For someone who tries so hard to look strong all the time it is shocking to see the facade drop for once. "Damn you. Don't you ever worry me like that again! Damn it fratello; I thought I lost you." He mumbles into my shoulder. He was crying again and his voice shakes almost as much as his hands.

I hug him back as best I could, but my body is lethargic. "I'm sorry Lovi. I didn't mean to."

"I know, Feli. I know." He pulls away, and looked me in the eyes. "You've been asleep for three days. No one knew if you were going to wake up."

My eyes widen. "Three days?" I whisper and he nods. Suddenly I remember. "Lovino, where is Ludwig?" I can't keep the worry out of my voice. I hope, pray, wish that he would tell me he was okay; that I won.

"Feliciano!" It is his voice. It is his arms that hold me tight. It is his tear rolling down my back. It is him. Lovino, for possibly the first and only time doesn't pull us apart. Instead, he gets up and leaves the room.

"Oh Ludwig." When he pulls away I grab him again and I look him it the eye. "I love you Ludwig." I never want to feel as though I did before again. I need to tell him before I die.

At first he's flustered, but he recovers and smiles. A blush sits on his cheeks. "I love you too, Feliciano."  
My lips are warm against his and my eyes slip closed.

I am strong too. I won.

**Well, that was interesting. I had fun writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Please review; it makes me so happy!**


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